Guests At a Pakistani Wedding

I being a Pakistani by birth have attended numerous weddings all over the most of the country. I even organized the whole functions of my brother's wedding, so I am speaking with experience here. For instance, If you have invited 300 people to a wedding, be sure that there will be at least 400 folks, starving since the beginning of time, having their eye on this particular day, so never expect a figure of food for 500 people to be enough. But food is one thing, there are many important affairs going on at a Pakistani Wedding.

• The Political Aunts' circle.

-Is that Marium's son ? By God he's grown, look at his face, cunning as a fox, i bet he's got a girlfriend, I bet he smokes, I bet he's a gang member.

-Look at the bride's mother. Seems as if she is getting married. Look at the colour of her dress, yukhhh, so prominent.

-Oh look there's Sara, did she look at me, I bet she did, and she purposely ignored me, she is like this isn't she, yeah she's a real mean brat.

-Did you know her daughter dot a divorce, yeah i know, but the nature works in strange ways, i mean i know i'm grieved and all but serves her right for being such ignorant towards her affairs and meddling with other people's matters. (look who's talking)

• The Food Consumers

-There is not such thing as good food or bad food. If there is food, we must eat it.

-What they say "Hello, my name is Ali, congratulations to the couple and their families, its a beautiful event". What they are thinking 'I'm here for the food'.

-Hamza, my son, find a table close to the buffet, grab a couple of plates too just to be safe for the future.

-Okay son its starting, stick close to your old man, watch and learn. (The buffet starts)  YALLLLLAAAAAAA HABIBIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!

-Grab that chicken piece, yes the one with the handle, its softer, so you can eat more, what do you mean you're stuffed,  Thappar na khaa lena mjsay  (Don't make me slap your face)

-Okay the trick is to take the sweet first because it wont last till the end, then move towards the dinner, there's plenty of it don't worry.

-Its a stampede son, come on, we don't need to sit here, standing close to the buffet is a better option.

-Serving spoons are occupied, quick use your table spoon.

• The Witty Uncles' table

-This is your son right, yeah, he's got your looks, let's hope he doesn't get your young habits . They all laugh, including the one who got insulted, thinking how to get back at him.

-When's the food gonna be served, I'm starving man, are you starving (asks everyone), I hope the food gets served soon, I hope its good. Hand me the water bottle, or the soft drink, hey look the salad's being served.

-The intellectual one, with a cigar in his mouth, sitting back in his chair, everyone praising him in form of a circle and trying to be him by copying his acts.

• The Kids

-Run, play, break objects, we are sheep, set free for the very last time, enjoy, run for no reason.

-Bump into every one's legs, and they cry the hell out, embarrass the idiots.

-Oh the food's gonna be served, it would be a shame, if i, answer the call of nature, in my pants, and engage my mother in cleaning and washing me.

• The Punks Looking for The Eye Candy

-Oh look, is she looking at me, i know she's looking at me, dude, she looked at me, im so awesome, i know she wouldve noticed the tight pink shirt or the LV belt. (she didnt look at him)

-Okay, find a table close to the table with the girls, yeah done okay, now laugh out loud for no reason to gain attention, good every one's looking at us, now do something cool, for instance, start whistling, we need to be distinguished from the common man. (They look extremely idiotic and Pindi / shabby )

• The Senior Citizens

-the host :Assalamoalaikum (Hello) Auntie,

the elderly woman: 'What ?'

the host: I said hello Auntie,

woman: 'Oh WalaikumAssalam'

host: Do you recognize me?,

woman: 'What?

host: Do you know who I am?,

woman: 'No thanku, yes I've been ill for a while, please pray for me'.

host: Can I get you something ?

woman: ( doesnt repy)

host: Do you need something ?

woman: Oh you're Marium's boy aren't you ?

host: Yes auntie, its a pleasure to meet you

woman: Oh yes the food was quite nice.

And there are several other categories, in which the good guys, the cute girls, the really cute girls, the ones who think they're cute girls are included.

In the name of the great TED MOSBEY "But more on that later"

Awkward Moments

Yeah, I know what it feels like when you come across that friend out of no where whom you bullied in the school for being fat, now he seems amazing and you, well not even can you not touch your toes, but cant even see them, Or that bureaucrat uncle who always asks you to join civil services and frowns at any other achievement of yours or when you’re sitting on the dining table with your mum and dad fighting over you.

Well here are some of the most awkward situations I have encountered:

When Someone Hands You a Newborn Baby

“Here go on, hold the baby, awwwwww he looks so cute holding the baby”

For crying out loud lady, I’m about to drop this creature !

And then someone asks “Who does he resemble in the family?”

He was born 20 minutes ago, he looks just like a potato for God’s sake !

And then the baby starts crying.

“Awwwwww it seems the baby doesn’t like you”

Umm yeah, he’s really developed his sense of hatred in his life span of 20 minutes.

When Someone Asks “Who do you like more, mum or dad?” 

Many a times, the relatives with some idiotic traits ask in front of your mum and dad, Who do you like more, mum or dad ?

What they see is the mother and father smiling at me saying go ahead son, tell him.

What I see and what actually is:

Dad- Go ahead you coward, say you like me or you’re dead meat.

Mum- Yeah, tell em, look me in the eyes, tell em you like me, tell em how I’m the best mom.

When You Realize You Were Not Invited

You enter a gathering, you are suited up, you think everyone will warmly greet you, you have a big smile on your face.

You look at the host. Ohhhh that look, explains everything, he sees you, he’s confused as to what to do, how to react, whether to send you back, whether to say you’re not invited, whether to say he forgot to send you an invitation. During that confusion, he makes a face, neither sad, nor happy, neither excited, nor apathetic giving you a signal so abstract that he almost looks like he’s gonna die soon. And during his making that face, you catch up that the next hour or so is not going to be nice. Every one looks at you as if: ‘Yes this is the fellow, look at him, look the hell out of him’

 When Someone Beautiful/Handsome Talks to You

Oh my God, she’s coming this way, okay I have to stay cool, okay how do I stay cool? Shit I don’t even know how to stay cool, okay just be yourself. How can I be myself, I hate being myself. Okay just stay classy, just don’t over do it. Just stay calm and act natural. Start off with a smile, without teeth, no with teeth, no without. Okay don’t mess this up man. Here she comes.

What I imagine:

She says hi, I say hello, how are you? She says I’m good, how about you. I say, I’m fine, what’s up these days, she says nothing much just studies and stuff, how about you? I say ohhh nothing interesting really, just saved a couple of children from an accident, helped a homeless guy, donated a bottle of blood, just the usual. And then we’d laugh.

What actually happens:

She says Hi, and in the words of Eminem, ‘He opens his mouth but the words wont come out’. A silent voice comes from inside, which say hello. She says how are you, My world spins round and round, My soul faints leaving my body to this situation at the disposal of my idiotic brain. And then a voice from inside my mouth comes out, “hi me name potato”

And then I seek my leave for not embarrassing myself any more, I ask for my departure in the words:- “I go now, I go and use toilet to answer my call of nature”

When You Insult Something In Front Of Someone Who Loves It 

Me:

Yeah man, and seriously speaking, I just hate the accountants, I mean come on, what they do is sit behind a desk for the whole day, that’s it. They are the most self centered, boring and arrogant beings on the earth. Whenever you ask them about their work, they start an endless chain of boring stories where they are being used by the high officials, and those poor souls don’t even realize that. Right ?

The Other Guy:

I’m an accountant ……..

Awkward silence……..

Me:

I mean the other guys, not you, you’re awesome man.

He begins to realize his life is boring

Another awkward silence……..

Me:

I mean look at me, I’m a lawyer, I’m boring too, I mean what do I do all day, I just justify people’s innocence in different ways, appear in front of judges, convince them with tricky arguments, attend dinners, meet new people everyday.

He looks pale and seems like a man who’s going to commit suicide.

Another awkward silence……..

Me:

I’m sorry man.

When You Use Someone’s Computer And You Look At The Browsing History With Them Sitting Beside

Hey man, can I use your computer, I need to email a link ?

Yea sure, go right ahead.

Okay I think I opened that website once on your computer last week, *opens the web history.

The friend sitting beside.

The hands shake, the eyes tumble, the mind says, ‘oh you sick man’, the fingers keep scrolling but the lower I go the sicker it gets.

Ummm I think I’ll get to it when I get home.

Yeah okay.

A biggggg Awkward silence……………

Impassiveness

What is Impassiveness ? It simply means that one may be devoid of or not subject to emotion. In Principal, the very concept is unimaginable as it sounds inhumane and unnatural. But I came to realize that neither is it unimaginable nor impossible, rather we practice it more often than we think ! I will try to explain how I got the real concept of impassiveness by an incident…

About a month ago, I was out at a market place purchasing groceries. It was a friday so it was particularly busy day for business, hence there were people of every sort in the marketplace. There were cab drivers, civilians, beggars, bikers etc etc. Every one was busy in their own matters. When I had bought all the required stuff, I started towards my car.
Right at that moment I heard a scream coming from the busiest and farthest end of the market. A woman was screaming her lungs out. She was shouting some words. I did not clearly get those words as I was at a fair distance from the spot. So I decided to move closer to the place of all the excitement. A few seconds later I quite distinctly comprehended what had happened.
She was shouting, “They snatched my purse, there were two of them, on a motorcycle, I had every thing in my purse, Please catch them, Please Somebody? “.
Now I was absolutley shocked and terrified because that was as busiest as any place could be! I mean there were people with every sort of vehicles but no one, absolutely no one decided to follow them. When the lady was unknowingly or maybe knowingly screaming and shouting with mental agony and shock and was crying out for help, every one stopped every movement and started enjoying as if she was a charmer of some sort or some circus was going on. But when she came to the cry for help, every one started demonstrating a state of apathy as if they were too busy in their own very important affairs to notice any thing unusual and as if they had’nt witnessed any thing. Most of them were on cars or motorcycles, they could have gone before them but they did’nt !
Is this Impassiveness ? No, Not yet. Let us conclude why they showed no interest in helping her catch them. Is this so because they were too busy ? Possible but most most probably not. Did they suddenly think that taking law into their own hands is not a good option ? Were they too afraid to go after criminals supposing they carried firearms ? or were they simply selfish ?
The truth is that it could be all or none of the above.
Well the saddest thing of all is that we cannot empathize with them or maybe we do not want to imagine being in such a position. And we try to forget such an incident as quickly as possible otherwise we will actually have to make a decision that would we have gone after them. But we try our best to avoid being in such a position, and this basically is called Impassiveness !

Fruits of nature

When they opened their eyes for the first time, my views towards life changed completely. The joy of looking at them crying, screaming and playing for the first time can never be depicted in words. That sheer moment of happiness was one of the best things that has happened to me all my life. Their eyes, all deformed and crossed, their hair very tiny, their meows, so beautiful.

I named the white one bubbles because of his bubbley eyes and the grey one BAROOD KHAN (gunpowder) because of  his colour.

Maulana Fazlur Rehman

Maulana Fazlur Rahman, with a gray beard and wearing a yellow turban, is a powerful man. He was born in 1952 in the southern district of Dera Ismail Khan (NWFP) and comes from a religious family. His father, Maulana Mufti Mahmood, was a well-known Islamic scholar and seasoned politician who was the NWFP’s chief minister in the 1970s during Bhutto’s government. Fazlur Rahman took over the JUI’s reins as secretary general after his father’s death. The JUI, which represents the Deobandi school of Islamic thought, split into two factions in the 1980s on the question of joining General Zia ul Haq’s military government. Fazlur Rahman leads the main faction, the JUI-F, while JUI-S is led by Maulana Sami ul Haq, another pro-Taleban Islamist leader. A veteran politician, the Maulana has been elected to the National Assembly three times since 1988. Maulana Fazlur Rahman is a fundamentalist with a difference, known for his proximity to former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. Despite his fundamentalist orientation, he supported her right to become premier and opposed the campaign of the Jamaat-e-Islami (JEI) in the 1990s against a woman heading the government of an Islamic country. Benazir Bhutto duly rewarded Maulana Fazlur Rahman by appointing him as the chairman of the Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee. Maulana Fazlur Rahman, who heads the Jamiat Ulema-i-Islam and presently Secretary General of the Muttahida Majlis-i-Amal (MMA) is presumed to have close ties with Afghanistan’s ousted Taliban regime. When US and allied forces began bombing Taleban strongholds in Afghanistan, he led large anti-US, anti-Musharraf, and pro-Taleban rallies in Pakistan’s major cities and threatened to launch a jihad (holy war) against the US if the bombings continued. He loves foreign travel and the good things of life, and during Bhutto’s second tenure as prime minister he spent more time abroad than in Pakistan. He also traveled to the United States and met senior officials. During his visit to the Middle East, he built up an extensive network to gather both moral and financial support for his cause. Recently during his visit to India, he was most diplomatic in his statements and proved that Pakistani politicians, even if they are in the opposition, could conduct themselves as worthy unofficial representatives of the country. 

courtesy: www.storyofpakistan.com

All it takes is an instant (tragedy)

She was sitting comfortably in the big rocking chair with earphones plugged to the cd player at the stereo end and listening to the music carelessly, with a big mug of coffee in her hands, thinking about how perfect her life was, and how she had everything. Her parents were also sitting in the living room, her dad reading a book and her mother watching the television. The scene was perfect and was so cozy that a poet appreciating beauty and comfort could write books on the scene. The gloomy dim light of the room added to its beauty, a very pleasant and comfortable atmosphere. The wooden walls of the living room were adorned with the extravagant paintings, which gave them an extremely classy look. She began to get ill at ease. The world in her eyes was awfully slow, as if she was sedated or drugged. Her mother was saying something to her, but she was too lazy and spoiled to pull out the plugs of her earphones to listen to what she had to say, she kept nodding as if she was getting everything her mother was saying. The beautiful slow music, the caffeine in the coffee, the cozy environment and the gloomy lights made her a bit woozy. She almost fell asleep when she was aroused by an awful stench, she opened her eyes to see what it was, her mom was not there, she tried to get up, and turned towards her father, he was also not present. She got on her feet and went towards the door, it was shut. As she opened it, a flame burst to her face and that was the last sensation she remembered she had before she was unconscious due to the carbon monoxide.

 There had been a terrible fire, which burnt the house down to ashes. The reason was never discovered. Some policemen and detectives deduced that the fire was caused due to a short circuit in the main wiring of the house. Actually her mom was asking her to fetch the servants as no one was answering, she fell asleep and her mother went to look for the servants, when she didn’t come back, her father went looking for her. She was the only person who survived the fire. But the worst was yet to come, when she woke up, actually she didn’t completely wake up. It was somehow ironic, and as an optimist will say, she would not have to see the world without her parents as she could not see the world at all, the fire caused burned walls, which caused the ceiling to fall and which caused a severe blow to her head and this caused the loss of her sight. 

A big conspiracy (media)

They say on the news that the crime rate in Pakistan is increasing day by day. The moment you turn the television on, you see news regarding some crime. If not the crime, then there is the news regarding the corrupt leadership and high officials of ours. And if some corrupt official gets caught on record, each and every person celebrates as if we have been triumphed with some sort of enormous victory, and unknowingly, we deliberately, instead of dignifying, disrespect our country. The red slide of BREAKING NEWS is always blinking on at least one news channel, and the news network that has the most amount of blinking slide time, becomes the most popular in time. Is this because that the particular news network has the most authentic information? Or is it merely due to the entertainment we get when we see some interesting breaking news where someone has been mysteriously murdered or there has been an accident of some high official’s relative or the sort?

The true fact is that when we turn the television on, we are surfing channels for something interesting and what more interesting do we find than the misfortunes of others? In fact we want to see that blinking slide of breaking news on the television; we want to see the others fall, especially the ones more powerful and richer than ourselves. This is called Schadenfreude, it is a German concept meaning the delights or pleasure one gains when he sees someone’s misfortunes. This is not a habit that we have developed or some sort of curse that we have attained; this is the instinct of every being. And the rapidity of our so called schadenfreude is increased significantly with the media’s dazzling array of ways of telling the miserable news in a very desirable manner.

If we are in luck, we will be shown the most absurd, pathetic and non beneficial news which will be given the title of ‘The good news’. And usually it will be relating to some actor’s or actress’s personal or professional life or it will be regarding a very irrelevant matter e.g the hiring of a new official at the city zoo, or some speed racing car owned by a local etc.

Following is some of the research along with the source, and it may be surprising for most people:

• The top 5 most dangerous countries on the planet, referring to the violence like drugs, homicides, human trafficking etc are these in order:

Columbia, South Africa, Jamaica, Venezuela, and Russia                (source: yahoo)

• Four of the Presidents, the most important and the most secure persons of a country, of America were assassinated including Lincoln and Kennedy and two were injured in the 20 attempts.
• Innumerable famous personalities like actors, politicians, sportsmen etc. have died due to the drug abuse and most of them belong to the most developed countries.
• North Korea is considered to be the most corrupt country in the world along with Somalia.

Most of us didn’t know these facts. And this is because the media of the referred countries does not take any sort of interest in the contempt of their own countries, even if the news is good for publicity of their channel or newspaper.

The true logic behind all the corruption, the drug abuse, other crimes is terrorism. Terrorism means to disperse fear amongst the general public via one’s actions, in short, to spread terror. And to be absolutely true, the terrorism is being very much helped by the electronic media.

For example, a person gets unfortunately killed in a terrorist attack. Within five minutes, even before the arrival of an ambulance, news vans and journalists belonging to several pathetic news networks arrive and start live broadcasting. And to add to the misery of the shocked family members of the victim, they start enquiring about the life of the victim from them and how the accident happened.

A person who has a lot of troubles and tensions of his own, when switches on the television for relaxation and leisure, sees this, and his brain does the rest to make the rest of his day completely miserable.

The terrorist achieved his goal quite successfully as there is terror amongst someone he doesn’t even know !

Is this due to the negligence of the higher authorities, or is this deliberate ? Is this a business, if it is then is this humane ? Is the independence of media a true blessing ? Is this their patriotism ? because this is seen all around the world! Is this their dedication towards journalism ?

Most of the people, including me, in the back of their heads realize, even if we don’t want to, that all this setup has all the aspects and features of being a big conspiracy…

Who is behind all this? Who is the true victim? The country, the people or the media itself?

That is the big question…

The Best Exercises for weight reduction

As discussed in a previous blog post, the more calories you burn per day, the faster your weight reduces. Approximately 1000 calories should be burned per day for losing a pound in 4 days. Now burning 1000 calories per day by exercise seems like a real hectic job, and is correct. So to back up your exercises for weight loss, you need a clean diet of around 1500 calories per day. If you maintain this, then burning a mere 400-500 calories per day will speed up your weight loss at an unbelievable magnitude. Another important factor in weight loss is the consumption of white carbs. Look after them as well. Take as many veggies as possible, avoid as many carbs (white bread, white rice, buns etc.) as you can.

Now to not further bore you with details, let us move towards the exercises.

Cardio Workout

Cardiovascular exercise (cardio) is the most common form of weight loss exercise. It is effective, increases heart rate and metabolism too which are the key elements for weight loss.

Some of the best cardio exercises are:

• Running

          Start with 20 -30 mins per day. And gradually increase to 60 mins. Not more than that. 60 mins of constant running and jogging burns a substantive amount of calories. Some 300-400 to be precise.

• Cycling

          Cycling is another good cardio exercise. 25- 35 mins per day is sufficient for a healthy and consistent weight loss routine.

• Hiking

         Physicians rate this as one of the best exercises ever as it freshens the person and all the body parts are involved in the motility. The climb in the hiking helps you to tone up your lower body as well as the fresh air from the greenery gives your skin a nice fresh look.

• swimming

        Probably one of the toughest exercises one can endure. Takes a bit of practice to master but still a very good cardio exercise. 

• Skipping

       The best ant the toughest cardio exercise i have ever come across. Burns a lot of calories. Even skipping the rope for a minute continuously causes you heart rate to rise at a great magnitude. But should never be doe excessively. At most should never exceed 2 minutes continuously, as it causes serous tissue damage and at some extreme cases even tendons get adversely affected.

HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training)

HIIT is a specialized form of interval training that involves short intervals of maximum intensity exercise separated by longer intervals of low to moderate intensity exercise. Because it involves briefly pushing yourself beyond the upper end of your aerobic exercise zone, it offers you several advantages that traditional steady-state exercise (where you keep your heart rate within your aerobic zone) can’t provide

• HIIT trains and conditions both your anaerobic and aerobic energy systems. You train your anaerobic system with brief, all-out efforts, like when you have to push to make it up a hill, sprint the last few hundred yards of a distance race, or run and hide from your spouse when they won't stop nagging you about the dishes.

• HIIT increases the amount of calories you burn during your exercise session and afterward because it increases the length of time it takes your body to recover from each exercise session.

• HIIT causes metabolic adaptations that enable you to use more fat as fuel under a variety of conditions. This will improve your athletic endurance as well as your fat-burning potential.

The key element of HIIT that makes it different from other forms of interval training is that the high intensity intervals involve maximum effort, not simply a higher heart rate. There are many different approaches to HIIT, each involving different numbers of high and low intensity intervals, different levels of intensity during the low intensity intervals, different lengths of time for each interval, and different numbers of training sessions per week.

Now many websites will show you different schedules of your HIIR. But i disagree to them, my point of view is that you schedule your own training according to you capability. I know its hard, but if you've got it in you, you'll embrace success nay it will embrace you. You can start off by an example as:

• Do 5 minutes consecutive running
• Drop down instantly and do 15 pushups
• After an exact 10 second break do 1 and a half minute of skipping
• Do 15 squats
• Now take a 30 sec break
• Now start over again

You can vary the routine as it suits you. 

In the end, don't give up, Achievements are never made over night. You will be disappointed, you will be frustrated. Put on some nice earphones and listen to fast songs with nice bass.  Don't give up! Don't give in! Never back down!

a lil help from sparklepeople.com :)

Nawab Akbar Khan Bugti

Nawab Akbar Khan Bugti, the son of Nawab Mehrab Khan Bugti, was born in 1931. His father left this world early when he was only 12 years of age. A very few people know of his education, but those who do, admire his skills in every field. He was a hard worker. He got his primary education from karachi and joined Atchison collge Lahore afterwards. After completing his college career, he went abroad to UK where he studied law from Oxford University and passed the Bar exams. When he came back he appeared in the competitive examinations and got distinction in Baluchistan but did not join civil services.

 He started his political career in 1960 by joining the national Awami Party but could not contest the 1970 general elections due to a controversial murder case registered against him. Due to some differences, Bugti left NAP and supported Bhutto. Bhutto made him the of Governor of Baluchistan. Nawab Bugti, however, demanded non-interference of the central government in the provincial politics. He held that office for only eight months and then he went to London. After a long absence from politics, he participated in the 1988 elections on the ticket of BNM and became Chief Minister. Once again he held that position for a short period. In 1990 he decided to establish his own political party ‘Jamhuri Watan Party’. Many members of BNM joined JWP under the influence of Nawab Bugti. Three times he was elected as the member of the National Assembly. In 1992, Bugti’s young son was killed and as a result Bugti left all political activities and came back to his native place ‘Dera Bugti’.

There are a number of installations of Sui Gas in Sui and an agreement had been made between the local people and the government in 1953. But somehow or other this agreement was not implemented, so the local people have lot of grievances against the Central Government. In the years 2000 the previous agreement came to an end and the establishment wanted to have a new agreement. But Bugti pointed out that government had not fulfilled the previous agreement. He demanded that the local people of Dera Bugti should be given better jobs in these gas companies and the local young engineers who want to serve in these companies should be given priority. Nawab Bugti is also against the establishment of new cantonments in areas like Dera Bugti, Sui etc. He is of the view that development of an area doesn’t depend on the establishment of cantonments. If the government is really serious to develop an area, it can do it even without a cantonment there. The government should take provincial government and the local people in to confidence before taking vital decisions. 

(Nawab Akbar Bugti meets Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah)

On Saturday August 26, 2006, Bugti was killed when a shell exploded in the cave in which his camp was set.Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf termed his death a victory for Pakistanis and congratulated the secret service chief who carried out this operation Pakistan's Information Minister Mohammad Ali Durrani, confirmed that the operation included both air and ground assault.stating that Bugti's death occurred as the cave he was in collapsed.

(The cave where nawab Akbar Bugti died after the shell exploded causing the cave to collapse)

6 ways to avoid night thefts.

6 ways to avoid night thefts

So recently a friend of mine got mugged and he was telling me all about it. I started to think about it, and my wild chain of thoughts led me to think that if a man breaks into my house, what precautions have i taken ? I started to think what precaution could i practically and realistically speaking, take ? My mind got engaged for the whole day and at the end of it, I finally summed up the best ideas i came up with :

1. Electrocute the boundary of the house including the gate.

Warning!

You may find a few carcasses of birds, dogs, beggars and relatives trying to surprise you at an unGodly hour, in the morning. Well they deserve it anyway.

2. Keep a firearm or a weapon of some sort (dagger is advised) nearby when you sleep.

Warning!

You may wake up stabbed or may not wake up at all.

3. Don't sleep at night.

Suggestion!

A good horror movie might help, visit closest video shop for further assistance.

4. Hire an armed night guard.

Precaution!

Make sure he is financially stable and not greedy otherwise you are in a big trouble.

5. Build a big Fort.

Suggestion!

Rob a wealthy bank or find a connection in the government for financially affording the fort.

6. Become a Professional thief and be damn good at it.

Logic!

No one plays with 'The Player' ;)

Learn to play guitar (easy)

Acoustic guitar, yeah, I know, its beautiful when someone plays it in front of you, and secretly inside, I know you're having a lust for playing it. You just want to grab that beautiful piece of carved wood and strings from his hands and .... Well that's it isn't it. You don't know how to play it.

Its not that difficult truly. Its really easy, just needs practice and a bit of a technique. Well I'll be honest, you will have to practice yourself, I'm basically helping you out with the technique only. Practice it as much as you can. Just don't piss your neighbours off. Okay lets start.

Parts of a guitar

We need to know about the parts of the guitar before starting to actually play it as this is really important. Here's a picture for a quick glance.

We are basically concerned with the fret board. Other parts never lose their significance but the fret board is the most important part of the guitar.

String names

For your ease, the thinnest string at the bottom of the guitar is known as the 1st string. Then right up next to it is the 2nd string. And similarly all the way up to the thickest string, known as the 6th string.

The strings can also be represented by alphabetic names which are:

1st string =   High e

2nd string =  B

3rd string =  G

4th string =   D

5th string =   A

6th string =   low E

The fret board

Now the basic theory behind playing a guitar is the combination of finger placements/press on different strings on different frets known as chords. Once you press these combinations on the fret board, you have to strum the strings at the position of the sound hole, using a pick or otherwise. The frets are numerically named as follows:

Chords

The combinations of the strings and frets earlier mentioned, known as chords are the basic technique for playing the acoustic guitar. The chords are also alphabetically named.

There are 2 types of each chord. A minor and a Major. And there are 2 ways to play a chord, the relatively easy open way or by barring a whole fret. But we'll get to that later.

The simplest beginner chord is the E minor chord.

The chord composition is such that you place your middle finger on the 5th string, 2nd fret and your ring finger on the 4th string, 2nd fret. A chord diagram will help you here.

Now let us analyse the E major chord. Just add the index finger in the above arrangement on the 3rd string, 1st fret. 

Now press down these two chords and start strumming four times for each chords. But before you do this, a very important tip is that when you press down the strings with your fingers, be sure to only touch those strings which are required for the particular chord. Touching any other string will not help you in playing the chord, instead  the guitar will sound a discontinued chord. 

Strumming

Picking all the strings in one flow from the 6th string to the 1st is known as strumming. The strumming patterns played by experienced and professional guitarists are slightly tricky, but nontheless achievable. To start off, i would suggest you strum down four times on the chord you are playing, then switch to another chord and strum it down four times. It is the speedy and swift transition of the chords that makes you a good guitarist. 

Once you start playing all the chords fluently and swiftly and once you learn different strumming patterns you will be ready to play songs on the guitar.

So have fun practicing, don't let it get inside your head, keep it moderate, remember, you can never become an experienced guitarist overnight, but don't give up. It takes some time, but your practice will always help. 

Queries are welcomed.

here are some open chords to go:

A thousand splendid suns (review)

Book Title: A thousand splendid suns

Author: Khaled Hossaini

To write an average review on this book will never be justified. A nail biter, keeps you indulged intensely till the end and even after that. I personally had the book in my mind for the next week at least. And to be completely honest, the world in my eyes changed after I read it. The diction is so perfect that whenever an intense event takes place, you feel shivers running down your spine.

The book basically consists of two stories revolving around two girls, which as the book progresses, meet dramatically, tragically and miserably. 

One Marium and the other Laila. The former is an illegitimate child (bastard) while the latter belongs to a broken sort of family. The story shows the three degrees of unfortunate. In the first part of the story, the positive form of unfortunate is described by the story of Marium, how she is ignored by her father, and how her mother leaves her alone in the world of miseries. The second part shows the comparative form of unfortunate, as Laila and Marium are compared with each other, when Marium is unwillingly married to an older man, and couldn't give birth while Laila's brothers die in war. The third part of the story focuses on the superlative degree of unfortunate when Laila's parents die and she is saved by the Husband of Marium, only to find her lover has died and she had conceived his illegitimate child. Marium's husband forces her to marry him, and after she has given birth to his boy, she finds out that all that news about her lover dying was just a sick trick played by Marium's husband just for the sake of his lust for fresh and young love but instead tyrannizes both his wives fiercely both orally and physically. 

But there is a very slick turn to the story towards the end, of which i can only say that 'a murder takes place and that changes the fate of everyone'. 

As the happenings take place in Afghanistan, a painfully miserable sketch has been drawn of the civil unrest and all the other events involving Taliban, Americans, The forces, the government, the killings and mass murders. A reader like me literally breaks down form the inside.

Towards the end, Khaled hossaini shows some optimism, and the ending to the story satisfies the reader and restores the faith in humanity.

All in a nutshell, This book has the right amount of everything to indulge the reader for a good 2 or 3 days,

How to lose calories

Ahhhh, calories. We all hate em, don't we. At the same time cant live without em. There should be a way to control those sobs.

Well i found a way by excessive browsing on the internet and by consulting every single dietitian. And surprisingly so, the way to control your calories is very simple indeed. First of all what you need to do is to calculate your body mass index. Here is a quick link to calculate your BMI (be quick to come back ot this site):
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/guidelines/obesity/BMI/bmicalc.htm

Now i suppose you have calculated you BMI
First of all lets start by defining the BMI, It is basically the amount of calories your body requires to function properly in one day. For instance, if your BMI is 19.5 , the calorie requirement for your body in one day is (19.5 X 100) 1950 calories.

But I suppose that your BMI is above 24 at least. Because the person having a BMI less than 25 is considered to be normal, and above it is considered to be obese.

Now this is where the trick begins, lets say a person has a BMI of 25. Now if he consumes 2500 calories per day, he remains the same body wise. But if he consumes less than 2500 calories per day, the amount of the subtracted calories will be consumed from the body, as the calorie requirement of 2500 has to be met. So if a person consumes 2000 calories instead of 2500 then the amount of calories BURNT by the body to meet the calorie requirement is 500.

Now that this is settled, let us see what amount for calories one should take to speed up the weight loss. The answer to this question is 1200 - 1500. If you consume 1500 calories per day, a 1000 calories are burnt per day. And if you continue this for 4 days approx. a pound from your weight will be reduced.

as 3500 calories = 1 pound.

If you continue this routine for a week, you loose 2 pounds. I know right ! your'e welcome.

But what I would prefer is that you maintain a cardio routine along with the diet. This will speed up the weight loss big time.
At the end, just one thing, never give up, never give in. There will be bad days, you will lose hope, but continue to strive, never back down. Comments are welcomed. You can also contact me for any sort of advise. The contact info is given in the 'About me' page at the top.

The Leap Of Faith, and the fall of pain.

Ever-since I was a kid, i was taught that i could achieve whatever i believed in. So when I was running up to the edge of the 12 feet high shed of my house when I was 10, with the intentions to jump of it, this was the thought that was circulating my mind.

Me and my cousin were playing cricket in the backyard of our house. It was usually just the two of us so we took turns batting and bowling. It was my turn of being the batsman, and i was really good at it. So when my cousin started the run up for his pacy bowling, i stiffed up my front leg and moved it a bit forward from its usual position. The ball was an obvious half volley on the off side, so i bent the knee of my back foot and got as low as possible, and i hit that ball with all my might.

The laws of physics suggested that the ball left the surface of the bat with quite an acceleration, the laws of ballistics suggested that the ball should have landed meters away, the laws of reflection showed that the ball has landed on the shed of the garage after hitting several places and the laws of backyard cricket suggested that i was the one who has to fetch it.

I climbed up the pipes onto the shed, which was some 12 feet high from solid ground. I fetched the ball and threw it to the ground. And then i looked towards the other side of shed, where the lawn was. It just looked as an inmate would define the other side of the prison fence. I had always believed that i could do it but i had never tried to, as it just felt as if there was some sort of barrier between me, standing here and jumping to the lawn of my own house. My cousin, being a very sharp and cunning person, not to mention 3 years older than me, saw the thirst of the leap in my eyes, and just said these words to help me overcome that barrier:
“Come on Manu (my nick), just come down, you cant possibly jump”

I said
“Oh Obviously I can!”

He said
“Fine, PROVE IT”

I said
“YEAH I WILL ! “

I looked at the edge of the shed, it was some 20 feet away, the only thing between the edge of the shed and the lawn was about 15 feet of air, bricks, flower pots, vertical iron rods serving the purpose of the boundary of the lawn and some extremely spiky cactus plants. I started with soft steps then gained the momentum as i reached to the end of the shed. As i took the last step which was a bit vertical as a hypotenuse  the adrenaline was pumping, the heart was pounding, the body was confused, the view was darkening, the feet were not being felt, the hands were in a position as they belonged to batman and the brain was not working for if it was i would not have done such an idiotic act or at least would have thought it through.

The leap of faith ended in the fall of pain as I injured my lower back, broke my spectacles, cut my forehead and twisted my ankle. Every thing was disguise-able except for the cut on my forehead. How was I supposed to explain it. The best my cousin and I came up with was that he bowled the ball too fast and it hit my head, next thing i know, my head is bleeding.

The end result of all this incident was that i was banned from watching all Hollywood movies alone that included Jackie Chan

Truth A Bliss Or Not ?

Mark Twain, a renowned writer once said that :

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember any thing”

A great Chinese Philosopher, Confucius said:

“The object of the superior man is truth”

It can be concluded that many great people in the past said great many things about the truth, in its praise. They were undoubtedly right. Truth is actually one of the greatest things that has ever happened to mankind. Infact telling something that is not true is pointless. The whole purpose of conversing is to convey some sort of information to the other person. If that information is incorrect from the roots, then there is no logical reason to convey that, instead of misguiding the other person.

I my self am a strong believer of the truth. I try to speak the truth as much as possible and I pray that The Lord helps me and everyone in telling the truth even when the circumstance of the truth is bitter and against us.

However we are all humans after all and it is in our nature, nay instinct to cover the bitter truth with infintive lies. I must confess that for a very brief time in my life, I did not consider the truth to be a bliss even when my conscience was banging hammers of redemption on my head rather I preferred and wished that I had never spoken the truth in my entire life.

I used to study in a religious school where they were supposed to teach ‘ethics’ along with the regular curriculum and the religious (Islamic) studies. The term ‘ETHICS’ is sarcastic. They had not the slightest knowledge of what morals were. Enough about the institution, so there I was studying in a ETHICAL institution and then one day the following occured to me…

I was 12 years old, sitting in my class room trying to concentrate on my mathematics. The teacher was on a leave so we were all ourselves incharge. A certain classmate, a real annoying one, came up to me and asked me for an extra pen. I said that I did’nt have one. The chair next to mine was empty so he took a seat there. He started annoying me. And this annoying was no ordinary, as my aura was very much biased towards the ever tough mathematics which is a very rare situation indeed, so I just ignored him. Minute after minute, second after second it grew harder to resist the itchness in my right hand, which in my thinking had a direct connection to atleast his head if not his face.  But as I am a very patient, tolerating and reasonable person (:D), I ignored him further…… for 20 more seconds. Then something happened, at that time I might call it a terrible thing to happen. I CALLED HIM THE F*** WORD. I am not proud of it but it just came out of my mouth.

He said: What did u say to me?

And to add to my misery, my innerself was so furious that in addition to the F word, I added a prefix, relating to a family member of his, to be more specific, his Mother. He was stunned for a couple of seconds, I too was shocked as it was the first time I had used this word especially with such an intense prefix. He said he’ll tell the teacher, and I said I don’t give a damn.

But as the end of the day grew nearer, that guilt started to eat  me from the inside and as my mind was immature, my head started being dazzled by these thoughts, what if he told the headmaster? What if the headmaster called my parents and told them? What impression would they take of me? How would they react to this? Would they even allow me to attend the school from then onwards? And the chain of thoughts just went on and on and on…

And by the end of the day, when I dropped down on my bed to sleep, I could’nt stop thinking about how disgusting a person I was. I changed sides several times but I could’nt sleep. I thought to my self “The damage has been done, Ill confront him in the morning and I’ll apologize to him in a manner that he could’nt refuse”. With that comforting thought, I went to sleeep.

The next day began like any other, except that I had a real urgency to go to the school. As I reached, I started fetching him, expecting him to be an angel of a person to forgive me. I asked every one I knew regarding his whereabouts, then I asked every one I did’nt know about where he was. I could’nt find him, so disturbed and uncomfortable, I ended the search and went to the class room. There he was ! Cheerful and playful as ever, He had this very elegant and decent side that I had ever failed to see. I went up to him and said can I talk to you for a second? He said sure, whats up? I said I’m really sorry that I said those disgusting words to you, I don’t know what came over me, and I would really appreciate if you did’nt tell any one. He smiled for a while and then said the dreaded words “I HAVE ALREADY TOLD THE HEADMASTER” and there I stood with my heart to my mouth, shivers of fear running down my spine I managed to ask him again, “And uh- what did he say ?”, He said ”he said that he’ll call your parents this morning”. I felt unreal at that moment. What had I done!

At that moment the bell rang for the beginning of the class. I took a deep breath and started to study, but I could’nt. As much hard I tried to concentrate, as much the guilt ate me. And at the end of the class, I was in a shivering and sweaty condition. I went to the men’s room in the recess to wash my face, on my way I saw some guys taking pointing towards me, and I thought OH GOD ! The word is out! What am I going to do. And that walk from the rest room to the class room was the most horrifying. I picturized all the scenes I saw in black and white, slow motion picture. Every one looking at me with a terrible face, even the sweepers were looking at me thinking that I would’nt catch their eye. The two staff members in the school yard were laughing and enjoying and as soon as I passed them by, they both stopped laughing and looked at me while taking a sip of their coffee as if I were an accused criminal and soon I was to be convicted. There were still 10 minutes left in the recess, and I could’nt find a place in the whole school just to sit down and have a glass of water or something because every where I went, it looked like every one present was hunting for me.

My mind again started to dazzle with the thoughts that had caused me trouble the day before. I could’nt find a way out. I was nearly crying, I had evidently lost all respect in front of my colleagues, my teachers hated me and my parents, GOD knows how, will soon react to this. I then remembered this statement of my teachers “Always speak the truth, and nothing else”. The moment was there to apply it, I knew how to implement this and most of all I did’nt have any other choice because the word was already out.

I decided that I will go to the Head Master’s office and tell him the truth and expect that he will be quite generous in forgiving me which was very much against his reputation. So I gathered all my guts and went to his office and knocked on the glass door as I held my breath, a heavy voice came from the inside come in please. Now the head master was a fat fat man, with a big beard and piercing blue eyes . All in a nutshell, he had all the qualities of an old black and white picture’s villian. He said in a very arrogant manner, yes what do you want ?And swalllowing all the saliva inside my mouth I began to speak, “I uhh I aaam uhm, really sorry sir” and I made an almost sobbing face. “ And what are you sorry about?”, he said with even a heavier voice as if he was expecting a full confession from me. And hence I began to tell the incident which has been worrying me since the last day. At the end of my full confession I was literally crying out of shame. And these were the statements that he gave after hearing my full confession which is what I thought he wanted:

“I must say that I am really disappointed and angry regarding the words you said, but it seems as if you have misunderstood something. You see I was never even slightly informed about this, now grab that chair upto my table”

And then began the lecture that I did’nt expect, but I never even listened to a word he said, because in my thoughts I was cursing and abusing a certain annoying fellow with very much intense bad words than the one that had caused me all this trouble. And at the end of the lecture, he shook my hand, I nodded in despair and disappointment, and then I went out of the office.

It was long past the recess, and as I entered the classroom, every one including the teacher gave me a look similar to the look everyone was giving me before the confession. And then out of dread I shouted, What is it? I confessed to the headmaster, he forgave me, so why are you all looking at me like this ?

The tutor said “There is a big spot of ink on the front of your shirt dear, and by the way what is it that you confessed ?”

The words unintentionally bulged out of my mouth “About the abuse ofcourse”, GOD knows I did’nt want to touch that topic again.

That annoying punk got up and said i’ll tell you all, and thus he told the story to every one about how I was a sissy little girl when I apologized to him and how he was a manly beast when he lied about telliing the headmaster,  and then they all made fun of me beyond anyone’s imagination. And it was that moment that I wished that I had never ever told the truth ever in my life because I was made fun of due to the so called blissness of the truth !

Every one forgot that incident in a few days and every thing was back to normal…

Now when I look upon that petty matter, I laugh my lungs out and I actually get immensley pleased that I had such a clear conscience when I was so young. No doubt that school taught ethics. No doubt that head master was a fine educator. Only I was too immature to see that…